Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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