i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
