How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
