I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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