eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
