So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
