At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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