I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
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He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
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Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.