Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.