mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?