apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?