I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets