i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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