hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
