FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
