If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
