You made me cry and you don't even care
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
