just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
