Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
