There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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