dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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