Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
