life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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