I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I will pee on everything he values.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
