i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
