Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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