you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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