i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Terrible idea I love it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
