Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
