i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
