I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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