All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
