We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
