in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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