That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
