Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
