There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
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