I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
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they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i've created a new STD.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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