Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
