checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
