then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
