If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
