you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
