3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
