I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just invented taco cereal.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
