So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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