I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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