I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
