Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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