apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
