I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
