Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
they're like a gay fantastic four
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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