Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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