And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize