So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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