How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
