When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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