Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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