Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
