everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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