Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
