CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
