yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
This house was built for laser tag.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
