When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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