I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
