The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
vagina is talking i cant
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
