He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize